


Falling (in the wrong direction)

by lalunaoscura



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Drunk!Mari is a sincere Mari, F/M, Post Reveal, Post-Hawk Moth Defeat, Pre-Relationship, Swearing, a bit of ladrien, but we have another one for reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalunaoscura/pseuds/lalunaoscura
Summary: “Do you miss him?”“Every second.” She said, looking at the stars. “Sometimes I think I won’t move on, no matter how hard I try. And I tried, Adrien,” she looked at him and she hated, hated, herself for crying for him again. “I tried so hard. But he never leaves my mind. It’s like he’s next to me, you know?”She saw his face getting pale and took a deep breath.“I’m sorry, Ladybug.”“That’s okay. I will just keep trying to forget him. He wouldn’t want me to be sad, right?”
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 13
Kudos: 145





	Falling (in the wrong direction)

**Author's Note:**

> From the "This could be an amazing fic if adult life wasn't kicking my beautiful ass" collection, have... this!  
> Tbh this is in my wip folders for months and today I had the worst day ever and I was feeling angst and I said fuck it, let's post.
> 
> Also, no beta, let's just focus on crying.
> 
> Things you need to know before reading:  
> * Gabe is dead rip  
> * Nathalie grabbed his miraculous and the peacock one and ran before ladynoir could grab them  
> * Adrien returned the ring and didn't want to reveal himself to Lb - but she found out who he was later  
> * Adrien is Mari's roommate  
> * Lb is fighting alone  
> * I can't stop hurting them, thanks

_ I don't hate you _

_ No, I couldn't if I wanted to _

_ I just hate all the hurt that you put me through _

_ And that I blame myself for letting you _

* * *

“So, do you have a date in mind?” Ladybug asked, finally breaking the silence.

“No, not yet. I mean, we still have a lot to do. We’re still looking for a new apartment and there is a lot of planning.” Adrien said, looking everywhere but her.

“You don't seem to be in a hurry.” She tried to contain the tremble in her voice. “I mean, if I was planning my wedding, I would be screaming my lungs of excitement.”

“I— Look, I really love Kagami and I want to marry her, but…”

He didn’t say anything after that.

“But?” Ladybug asked.

“I had my heart broken by my first love.” He put his hands on the railing. “Am I wrong for being so cautious?”

“No,” she shrugged. “I know how you are feeling. It’s been five years since I lost Chat and I still can’t move on.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Every second.” She said, looking at the stars. “Sometimes I think I won’t move on, no matter how hard I try. And I tried, Adrien,” she looked at him and she hated,  _ hated _ , herself for crying for  _ him _ again. “I tried so hard. But he never leaves my mind. It’s like he’s next to me, you know?”

She saw his face getting pale and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Ladybug.”

“That’s okay. I will just keep trying to forget him. He wouldn’t want me to be sad, right?”

“Right.” His voice was so low that she almost didn’t hear him.

“Well, I think I’m going home now. It’s late and you should sleep.”

“Nah, that’s ok. I don’t sleep very well when Mari’s not home.”

“Where is she again?”

“She said she was going to sleep at her parents’, but I think she’s with Luka now.”

She gave a bittersweet laugh.

“What?”

“I don’t know, it looks like you don’t like the fact that your roommate is with another man right now.”

“It’s not jealousy. It’s just,” he ran his hand through his hair, restless. “I think their relationship is weird. Luka is totally crazy in love for her but Marinette just, I don’t know, uses him? She likes him but it’s not love. It’s lust. Or she is using him to forget something. Or  _ someone _ .” He sighed. “She’s not the same since she lost her friend.”

“Which friend?”

“We don’t know, she never told us who they were. But whoever they were, their death made her change. Maybe she was in love with him and she is using Luka to forget?”

“It doesn’t seem fair to either.”

“It isn’t. But they insist on continuing this madness. I just… I'm just really worried about her. She’s broken and I don’t know how to help her to fix herself.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to. Or maybe you know how to help her, but didn’t realize yet.” Ladybug shrugged. “Or maybe she can’t be fixed.”

“I don’t believe that she can’t be fixed. We just need to know how.”

“Well, in that case, I wish you luck.”

“You could give me a little bit of yours, maybe?” he teased and she rolled her eyes, grabbing her yo-yo.

“You don’t know how unlucky I am under this mask, Adrien. Good night and good luck with the planning.”

“Wi-will you come back tomorrow, right? I like our midnight talks.”

“Of course.” She hid her pain with a smile. “See you.”

And before she could break in front of him, she left.

*

And after a long day at work, Marinette went home. Adrien had called her, saying that he wanted to talk with her and she could guess what it was about — probably about her and Luka’s relationship or her unexplained disappearances. Luka was helping her being her alibi but you can’t fuck with someone that much in a day.

And whoever was that new Papillon, they were an ass.

She was almost, almost, listening to Tikki’s advice and choosing a new Chat Noir, but she wanted to give  _ him _ a little more time to see if he would come back to her.

She just hopes she wouldn’t die in a battle while waiting for him.

The truth is that… she really needed a vacation.

Marinette entered home and threw her jacket, scarf, and purse on the table. She went to the kitchen to grab a huge glass of water when she saw the envelope on the kitchen island. Frowning, she approached and saw her name written on it in elegant calligraphy that she recognizes as Adrien’s.

She opened and when she saw what was it, she let her glass fall and it broke on the floor, shattered into a thousand pieces like her heart. She put her hand against her mouth to hold the scream that was hurting her throat.

He lied to her. He had said they didn’t have a date and there, in the paper, was his name with Kagami’s and a date.

A fucking date in six months.

_ He lied _ .

“Why am I surprised?” she said laughing and crying at the same time. “He’s always lying to me.”

“Marinette…” Tikki said, leaving her pocket.

“Why? Why do I  _ still  _ love him?” this time she screamed, crumpling the paper and throwing it in the kitchen trash.

“Hey, you should give him a chance to explain himself.”

“He told Ladybug he didn’t have a date. And to Marinette that they were still talking about the wedding. And the next day, boom, they have invitations!”

Tikki didn’t say anything, she just let her holder let her feelings out.

“Idiot, idiot! I’m such an idiot! I’m the only one that didn’t move on, just like Luka said! I really thought that he would come back to  _ me _ ? Soulmates  _ my ass _ .  _ Us  _ against the world? MY ASS!” She screamed, leaning against the wall and crying so loud that she bet her neighbors could hear her.

She really didn’t care.

Slowly, her body was sliding down the wall while she cried her heart out. She sat down on the floor, sobbing and crying, glad that Adrien was still at work.

He didn’t know. He should never know.

Tikki sat down on Marinette’s knees and looked at her holder.

“Why do I love him, Tikki? Why can't I stop loving him?” She whimpered.

“We can’t control our hearts, Marinette.”

“I hate it.”

“I know. I know, I know,” Tikki cried, hugging Marinette.

They stayed on that floor crying for some time. The kwami didn’t know what to say or what to do to make her holder feel better. She watched for years Marinette hiding her feelings, hiding who she was, trying to give Adrien time to mourn so maybe he would come back to her, to ask to be Chat again — and in the end, he didn’t.

It took a while, but Marinette finally got up.

“Go to my room, Tikki. I want to be alone now.”

“Marinette…”

“If I need you I will call you. Just,  _ please _ , go.”

Knowing that her holder wouldn’t listen to her and there wasn’t anything she could do, Tikki left.

Taking a deep breath and cleaning her tears on her cheek, Marinette opened the cabinet and grabbed the bottles of alcohol.

For that night, she wouldn’t be responsible. For that night she would forget she was Ladybug, that her partner left her, that Adrien lied to her and that he was getting married and that her life was hell.

For that night, she would drink.

*

Adrien looked at his phone for the hundredth time.

“Chill, dude!” Nino said. “She’s coming.”

“She’s late. What if she didn’t see the text?”

“You mean, the millions of ones you sent?” Kagami laughed, kissing his cheek. “She’ll come, Adrien. It’s our celebration! We have a date!”

He put a smile on his face, still worried about Marinette and her lack of answers.

When they decided to come to Luka’s pub to celebrate, Adrien sent texts to Marinette, telling her to come to celebrate with them. And then, when she didn’t reply, he got worried. She must be home now — or she should be there with them.

“Maybe I should go to pick her up?” He asked.

“Nah, she must have dozed off after work and is getting ready. You know that she is always late.” Alya said.

Adrien bit his bottom lip, still nervous. Without anyone realizing, he called her and his heart sank when she didn’t answer him.

He should be celebrating. Luka closed the pub for the night just for them. He and his friends were together, listening to songs and drinking and chatting and laughing—

But his best friend wasn’t there for him and he was worried sick. Maybe she was sleeping, right? She was very tired in the last days. But what if she doesn’t want to come? They have been fighting so much lately for tiny things. What if she was mad with him? What if she _ hated _ him?

He saw a bottle of beer being offered to him and he grabbed automatically, finally looking up. Luka was smiling at him, frowning a bit when he saw Marinette’s name on Adrien’s phone screen.

“Thanks, dude.” Adrien said.

“You’re welcome.” Luka said, sitting down on the couch next Adrien and crossed his legs on the mini table in the middle. “So, no news?”

“She isn’t replying.”

“Want me to try?” He asked, grabbing his phone.

“I mean, you can, but I don’t think she will an—”

“Hey, M. Where are you?”

Adrien almost let his bottle fall.  _ What _ ?!

“Wow, wow, calm down!” Luka said, getting up and walking away. “Slow down, Marinette, I can’t understand you.”

Adrien observed Luka talking on the phone with Marinette, who decided to ignore him all night. Her roommate, she did ignore. But when her  _ lover _ called her, she picked up in a second.

_ Calm down, Adrien. She must have a reason. _

After some minutes with Adrien pretending he was listening to Chloé’s story, Luka came back and sat down next to Adrien again.

“So, where is she?” Adrien whispered.

“Marinette is not coming.” Luka said loud and everyone looked at him. “She’s not feeling well.”

“Something serious?” Alya asked, suddenly worried.

“Nah. She’s just on her period, you know how sensitive she is.”

“Oh. That’s a shame.” Kagami said and she looked really upset. “I wish she could celebrate with us.”

“I bet she would love to be here too. She asked me to say that she is really sorry and that you should celebrate later.” Luka smiled but Adrien noticed how tense he was. “So, more beers?”

Half an hour later and they were talking and laughing and Adrien was a little less grumpy. They were talking, joking, laughing and everything looked amazing.

Until they heard the front door being open. Luka got up, thinking it was someone that decided to ignore the “we’re closed!” sign.

“Sorry, mates, we’re closed for—”

“Marinette?!” A chorus of voices said, all of them concerned.

“Hey, everybody!” Marinette yelled and giggled. “I’m here!”

Adrien got up, approaching her as Luka did the same, but Luka reached her first. Adrien froze, his heart beating so hard for some reason he could explain.

Marinette was a mess. Her hair was tied in a messy bun, she was barefoot, without a coat, the dress she wore with a dropped strap. Her makeup was ruined, the black trail of tears stained by the mascara on her cheeks and her eyes were swollen and red. In her hands, an almost empty vodka bottle — a bottle Adrien recognized, he just bought it yesterday and hadn’t opened yet.

“Shit, M, I told you to stay at home!” Luka said, cupping her face. She pushed him away, giggling.

“I need to celebrate! My partner is getting married!”

“Shhh, my girl, you’re just drunk.” Luka said and tried to take the bottle of her hands.

“No! I’m not drunk! I’m celebrating Adrien’s happiness! Hey, Adrien!” she said and threw herself to Adrien.

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her before she could meet the floor.

“You saved me!” she giggled. “Like always!”

Adrien looked at Luka, who looked really tense. It didn’t help to calm Adrien down. She was so small in his arms, so  _ fragile _ …

“Hey, Mari. Why don’t we sit down and Luka grab you a cup of water?”

“I don’t want water! Don’t tell me what to do!” She screamed and Adrien tensed. “I hate when you tell me what to do! We are here to celebrate your wedding!”

“Okay, okay, relax.”

“Let me take her.” Alya said and put her hands on Adrien’s shoulder. “I know how to calm her down.”

“Alya!” Marinette looked at her friend and Adrien knew she was trying to focus on her. “Do you know Adrien is getting  _ married _ ?!” She whispered loudly.

“Yes, girl, I know. Why don't you tell me more while we go to the bathroom?”

“No!” She shushed Alya, giggling a bit. “I don’t want to go. I want to celebrate.”

“Marinette, you’re just embarrassing yourself. Come on, come with me.” Alya pleaded.

“No!” She pouted. “I want to stay.”

“We can come back, let’s just wash your face so we can take some photos, what do you say?”

“Okay, just let me talk with Adrien alone! I need to congrat him.”

“After we wash your face, okay?”

“Mari, go with her.” Adrien begged and she turned her face to him. He saw the blue shining with the tears and pain that he saw once in his life, years ago, after he told his partner that he couldn’t be Chat Noir anymore.

“Here you go again, always wanting me far from you.” She whispered.

“What?”

“Leaving me alone again. Running away from me. Like you can be near me. Like the idea of being close to me disgust you.” She said and for a moment it looked like she was sober.

“Okay, enough,” Luka said and tried to grab her, but she pushed him and broke the bottle on the wall.

“I won’t listen to you this time, Luka. I will tell him.”

“Go behind, Alya.” Adrien asked and Alya nodded.

“Should I call the police?”

“No.” Luka told her. “Just go hide with the others. Adrien, you go too, I will calm her down.”

“No way in hell I will leave her.” Adrien hissed.

“Don’t make my life harder, Adrien,” Luka pleaded, despair dominating his voice.

“Shut up, Luka. You think you know what is better for her when you don’t.”

“So do you?”

“Shut up!” Marinette screamed, pointing the broken bottle at them. “You both shut the fuck up, I’m the one talking now!”

“Okay, we will listen to you, M. Just drop the bottle, okay?” Luka asked gently and she looked at him.

“Why don't I love you? Why is _he_ ?”

“Hey, babe girl, we already talked about this a million times. That’s okay to love another person, remember?” Luka approached slowly while Adrien couldn’t move.

He always suspected that she didn’t love Luka, that it was just a romance that would end one day, but if Luka wasn’t  _ him _ , who was?

“I hurt you.” She cried.

“I told you I will heal. Like you will, remember?”

“I’m not healing, Luka.”

“It takes time, remember?”

“It’s taking too long! And don’t approach me!” She said, holding the bottle up like she was trying to defend herself when Luka tried to approach.

Adrien was freaking out. She could hurt herself or Luka because she looked in panic and was drunk. Besides, she just screamed that she loved another one that wasn’t Luka. Everything makes sense now — every time Adrien had asked her why she didn't date Luka, she just said that she couldn’t. Luka wouldn’t ever replace her true love, whoever  _ he _ was. She couldn’t be with Luka because her heart belonged to another man.

But who was  _ he _ ?

“Let me tell him.” She begged, crying.

“You will regret this so much tomorrow, M.” Luka said and he sounded tired, like they had argued about whatever they’re talking about right now a million times.

“Better to regret doing it than to let the opportunity pass.” She whispered.

“Let me talk with her.” Adrien said.

Luka groaned, looking at Adrien for half a second until his eyes came back to Marinette.

“Come on, Luka. I’m her best friend, I know her. Let me try.  _ Please _ .”

Adrien noticed that Luka wasn’t comfortable with the idea, but he nodded anyway and stepped back.

“I’ll be right here.” He warned.

“Hey, Mari.” Adrien said gently and moved to her direction, slowly. “I’m here for you.”

“No, you are not. It’s just a fucking dream and I will wake in my bed alone again. Like every night. You always break your promises.”

“If I ever let out down, M, it wasn’t my intention.”

“You lied to me, Adrien,” she whispered and her tears were trailing down her cheeks. “You told me that you hadn’t set the date.”

“I want to make a surprise.”

She denied with her head, looking desperate.

“You told me you wouldn’t ever let me down. That you would get me. That I could trust you. That was us against the world. And then you left me alone and unprotected. Left me to fight alone.”

He didn’t know what she was talking about, her drunk rambling worrying him more and more.

“I’m so sorry, M, but I’m so sorry for lying to you and leaving you alone.”

“Why didn't you stay with me? Why did you have to leave me?”

“I’m by your side.”

“No. Just half of you!” She whimpered. “You took your ring off and left me alone. I offered you a place, a home, trying to have you near if you changed your mind. I had to lie to everyone saying you were dead. I had to pretend to mourn you. I  _ have _ to pretend that I’m strong without my partner when  _ I’m not _ !”

Adrien heard Luka facepalm and looked at him, frowning.

“Damn it, Marinette,” Luka groaned and shook his head. “Adrien…”

Adrien looked at Marinette and approached her slowly.

“I loved you, your idiot cat. I fucking love you still! I tried to take you off my chest because you were trying to move on! I tried to forget you and pretend that I never loved you but guess what? I still fucking do! I fucking love you and this...” She aggressively brought the necklace from under the fabric of her dress — necklace that she was always wearing and never let him see.

His old black ring — his old miraculous — mocked him.

“This is proof.”

All this time… all this time wondering who was she under the mask, talking with her almost every night, opening his heart out, and she was just by his side since when his dad was unmasked.

Marinette, who gave him a place to live. Marinette, who helped him to get up, get a job, move on. Marinette, who supported him with Kagami, who taught him to cook, dance, wash clothes, clean the house. Marinette, who was always there to clear his tears and hug him and support him.

Marinette, who was fighting akumas alone. Marinette who was lying about the random injuries. Marinette, who was suddenly more tired, more stressed, quieter, who was fighting Mayura and the new Papillon by herself because he was a coward.

Marinette was  _ his lady _ .

He approached her slowly, one step at a time, always looking at her face, looking for her expression, cautious to not scare her.

“I know you must hate me, princess, because I do hate me too. I hate me for not being strong enough for you. For not asking for your help and asking you to not know how I was. For closing myself and pretending that our trust in each other was not enough. For leaving you alone. For not being there to protect you like I promised I would. I know that you would never judge me, that you would support me, and you did. In the distance, you did. You were there for me when I wasn’t there for you.”

He grabbed her wrist, the one where she was holding the rest of the bottle, and squeezed with firmness, making her let it fall to shatter.

Like their hearts.

“I hate you.” She said looking at his eyes, crying. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!” she screamed, punching his chest and he let her. Finally, like she was tired, she grabbed his shirt with her fingers, clenching them.

“I fucking hate you. And I hate that I can’t stop loving you.”

He wrapped her with his arms.

“I know, my lady.” And he kissed her head, letting her cry in his arms.

They forget where they were. They forget Luka and their friends. They forget everything besides that moment, besides them.

It wasn’t just Marinette and Adrien crying.

It was also Ladybug and Chat Noir.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe one day when adult life is not kicking my amazing ass, I will write more of this


End file.
